do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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