remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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