I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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