I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize