Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's never too late to be topless.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
