I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
