Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
