4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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