No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
