im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
