We're facebook friends in real life
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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