There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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