i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize