is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
