i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize