there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
