I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
