You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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