at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
