I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
