yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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