sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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