what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
