She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
