So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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