Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
