she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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