just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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