I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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