he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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