Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
