it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
