don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
