I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
