Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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