thus making me awesome and them whores
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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