I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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