he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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