Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
