summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
