operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
