I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize