drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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