Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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