I got chris browned last night
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
