i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
