Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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