yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
