He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize