i need an iv and a liver transplant
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
