Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
