This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
