Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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