He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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