During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
