Swine flu is the new snow day.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
