Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
