Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
