I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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