I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
