apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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