And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
