Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
