If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
