i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
