i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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