when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
