so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
