wat bout pragnant strippers??
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
