We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
